For the first time in my life, I have been living by myself. I am not just living by myself, but in an entirely new city. I had never considered moving to Toronto before this experience, but here I am, and nearing the end now. I plan on writing an article specifically on my experience in Toronto, but for now, I wanted to reflect on what this long-distance experience has been like away from my friends, parents, and fiancée. Away from my support system. Away from everyone that means a lot to me in this world. To those people whom I haven’t spent enough time with, I dedicate this article to you. I hope I can offer some insight into what this experience has meant to me and how I imagine it has been for you.
To my friends. There are times when we don’t always communicate well how we are feeling. We often leave things unsaid even though it is mutually understood. One of the things we leave unspoken is how much we miss each other. I know how much you want me back and I hope you know how much I want to be back. I miss hanging out on a whim and not just doing our best to squeeze in the time on my short 4-day turnarounds. This experience has required making sacrifices, and some of those sacrifices are missing out on experiences with you all. Whether it was missing out on trips, BBQs, going out, simple quality time like watching a movie or eating out together. I have been able to manage missing out occasionally, but there have been times when it’s been difficult. I miss just being in the same city as it is comforting in its own way. This experience has taught me how much I appreciate quality time with my friends. Not to say I didn’t appreciate it before, because I always have. But being limited to how much quality time I can have has really made me soak in every moment and dream about the next. I dream about the next time we are together. I dream about hanging out and not worrying about my next flight. I dream about catching up more frequently face to face, instead of over the phone. I dream about hearing about your days, jokes, and stories more often. Looking forward to when we’d have those special moments again is what has got me through this experience. I can’t wait to see you all again, to be a present and reliable friend that I may not have been through this experience. While my body is in Toronto, just know that my heart is at home with you all, eagerly beating faster each day closer to when I come home.
To my parents. I am not used to seeing you guys this little. Only seeing each other in short hourly installments every two weeks has made me want to be around more. I miss being home as I feel comforted knowing I can come over whenever. During this present reality, I have 4-days to squeeze in as much as possible. I feel bad that spending time together has taken a back seat to everything else I need to do and friends to see. I know you guys would tell me not to worry about that and are proud of what I am doing but it’s hard not to think about that when I miss you both very much. Some of the best nights this year have been the ones we’ve spent together where I didn’t have to worry about travelling the next day. Completely focused on the moment, being reminded again of what a simple, fun night can do for my mental health. Vancouver will always be home as it is where you both established such a great, loving life with the best memories for me. As refreshing as this new experience has been, I am eager to come home to my team.
To my fiancée. Despite how difficult this experience has been for us both, I am relieved we are going through it now. While we both wish for this journey to be complete, I am proud of how we embraced this sacrifice. Given the nature of my work, working away was bound to happen sooner or later, but I am relieved it happened sooner. I prefer to get sacrifice out of the way and we were in such a strong relationship I felt comfortable volunteering to go to Toronto. I feel guilty at times as I know how tough this has been on you. I can see how much you miss me, and I know how much I miss you. We aren’t our true selves when we are apart. Our buckets are half full, as we are each other’s half. As I write this, we are one month away from being together again permanently. What has helped through this experience is seeing us grow. While we’ve missed out on lots of quality time together, our relationship has grown stronger. After this, I truly believe there’s nothing we can’t overcome together.
Author
PATRICK SMYTHE
Project Manager
Civil Engineer
Motivated
Storyteller
Big Time Dreamer
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Beyond our relationship, we both have grown significantly in these short 8 months. I have felt I have taken a step in my career and proven to myself once again that I can overcome any new challenge. And for you, each day in your career I see you tackling a new scope of work, a new skill, and setting yourself up to continue to progress in your career. You make me so proud and know that I am cheering for you always. This long-distance situation isn’t ideal of course, but we both have grown immensely, and the sacrifice has proven to be rewarding. I like to think that we are just getting this out of the way and putting ourselves in a better situation for our future. Possibly even moving away together in the future, now having the experience. I wanted to write this article, so you knew exactly how I felt and for us to refer to later in our lives. I hope you know how much I miss you. If living away from you has taught me anything it’s that not being together every day has confirmed how much I want to spend every day with you for the rest of my life.
And to myself. I am thankful for the new experiences and perspective I have gained. While it has only been 8 months, it has felt like way longer. I will reflect more on Toronto soon, but I have earned many fond memories and met some great people. I have developed an appreciation for those who have made sacrifices like this in their lives and proud to say I took a leap to make a sacrifice too. Nearing the end of this experience, I am confident I would be able to live away again one day in the future, under different circumstances of course with you and our future family. I am excited to feel like myself again when I get home.
Besides being inspired to write to my loved ones, I was also inspired to write this article by one of my favourite songs, Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran. I’ve always loved this song. It makes me feel emotional and inspired to go be someone my family and friends are proud of. As you all know at this point, my undergrad degree required a lot of sacrifice to become an engineer. I made a lot of personal sacrifices and often felt like I didn’t have time to be myself as I was too busy. Living in Toronto has provided another phase in my life where this song hits my feels. At the end of each flight home to Vancouver, I listen to this song and tear up a little. It makes me tear up as I think about all the people I miss, all the things we are working towards, and all the sacrifices we are each making to live a better life. It makes me miss home and everything we’ve experienced together. Moreover, it makes me think about what it’ll be like when I am home again. So, to you all, know that I am on my way home.
